Comments Off

from coffee to tradition.

2013
11.24

This past week has been a interesting week as far as church goes. I’ve had the opportunity to visit two very different churches. One was what I refer to as the “hipster church.” I’m not sure of the official name, but nevertheless, it’s a hipster church. The second, Catholic. Yesterday, I attended a Mass for the first time.

Hipster Church experience was pretty fantastic in some ways. It was in a downtown building and was a coffee shop 6 days out of the week. They had all sort of fun mugs and fresh yummy coffee. The music was absolutely phenomenal; some of the best live worship I’ve ever heard. The congregation was mixed. It was filled with all the people who would probably never be caught died in a church. I’m pretty sure some of them were even homeless. However, there was no Bible teaching. Literally, one verse was read. The rest was fluff that the Pastor made up on the spot. Don’t get me wrong, he said some really good things, but Christ’s name was never brought up once. It was pretty disappointing because of the opportunity they have there.

Mass…was actually fun. I mean, I felt like I was in a movie. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful in saying that, but it’s true. The building was beautiful and the priest was almost like a fictional character. I’ve never even been close to a Catholic service. I went because I’m taking a Catholicism class and had to write a paper on my Mass experience. Honestly, I have no idea what the sermon was on, I did hear the words “tradition” and “blessing” a lot. Both these churches were lacking in a big way. Even though they were nothing a like, one being completely laid back and the other being so traditional, but they had the same big problem. They were confused on the Gospel. This made me so thankful that I go to a Christian College that is so firm on the Gospel of grace. Truly, so thankful.

Oh, I get to go home in 2 days!!! I’m so excited. I’m leaving Tuesday and going to make all of the yummy food! :)

Also, I wrote a skit for our school’s Christmas production. It feels good to use some sort of theater anything. I miss it so much.

Anyway, no matter how much I love coffee, cool buildings, tradition or lack of, I love the Gospel the most. It’s clear that without it, all teaching is empty. The people were obviously seeking for something to fill the hole, but religious teaching isn’t going to cut it. It made me excited to be in ministry and be involved with feeding people the meat of the Word.

Comments Off

A little Giving of the Thanks.

2013
11.19

Today has been peaceful. It’s overcast, not raining, but dark and warm. There is no other weather that compares in my mind. Personally, it’s near impossible to feel stressed out with such calming surroundings. Just within the past couple of days, school has developed a new feel. I have my to-do list sitting beside me of all the things to get done before Thanksgiving break, but then I’m basically done. I’ll only have a few finals once I return for the remaining eleven days. So crazy. Everything simply feels relaxed. I’m ready to be home though. Breaks always come just at the right time. In a since, God has timed them in such a way that you can have a break, so you don’t. For me, I hit these points when I just can’t do it anymore. I need my mom or sleep or my cat and just about that time, I get to go home.

I finished meeting with my Brother RA just a bit ago. We talked about how things were going within our sections and prayed. I know I’ve said this so many times, but my favorite thing about my Christian College is the unity. My school is a body, the body of Christ. God has given me such a clear, obvious position within it and I take it for granted. I’ve been given a flock to shepherd and love. I don’t deserve to be used by God, but He is gracious and chooses me anyway.

So I guess what I’m trying to say through all of this is I’m just thankful. [[It's a good time of the month for that.]]

*I’m thankful for the weather, which inspires the calm.

*I’m thankful for the body of Christ.

*I’m thankful to be used of God.

*I’m thankful for the peppermint M&Ms I can’t stop eating.

*I’m thankful to be an RA and have such an awesome brother RA.

*I’m super thankful to be going home in a week.

*I’m thankful for the people in my life who are my friends and point me to Christ.

*I’m thankful for God’s hand in everything.

Psalm 30:11-12 (NAS) Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness; That [my] soul may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever.

findme

Comments Off

Of Papers and Missions.

2013
11.13

Hello out there, whoever you are.

My semester is coming to a close and basically my whole school is in the library. With about a month left, everyone has all their major projects to do. At the top of that list is what’s commonly know as  a “Buckley Paper.” Buckley is a teacher at my school and all the upperclassmen have at least one paper from him. They are extremely, let me repeat for emphasis, extremely time consuming. He uses a format that no one has heard of, unless A.) you go to school here or B.) you were born in the 1920s. It’s good though, it’s part of the whole college experience and truly bonds the whole school together.

Apart from that, we had missions conference last week. It was my favorite one we’ve had. I think  because I”m in my senior year and everything is becoming more real. I just wanted to soak up all of the knowledge I possibly could from the missionaries.

Something I learned was commitment and was convicted by my lack of it. I’m passionate about certain things *woooo* but not committed. That is transparent in my Christian walk. Along with that, the question was asked, “At what point is Christ no longer worth it?” Uggghhhh. Unfortunately, there are many areas in my life which speak the words “Christ you aren’t worth it.” I can’t give up comfort. I can’t give up sleep. I can’t give up coffee. I can’t give up my alone time and I don’t want to do anything that makes me. However, those are minor compared to the idea of being away from family and the familiar. So is that is? That’s how deep my love for God goes? Oh, I’ll go to a Christian College and church on Sunday. Everyone will see and know how spiritual I am. But I will not do anything that makes me sad,  lonely or uncomfortable and call it being surrendered. Ha. Yeah, that’s awesome.

With all that said I felt that God was calling me to take a leap of faith or maybe it was the reminder that my WHOLE LIFE is supposed to be a leap of faith…wow. You know, it’s not even a leap, because our lives are supposed to be a daily walks of faith and yet everything feels like a leap because we are so sheltered. Ok, coming back to from my rant. I’m going on a missions trip to Europe. Sounds awesome, right? Well, it is, but it’s not just some fun adventure, it’s a trial. This trip is only for students who are checking out the ministry there to possibly go long term. That is freaky. I have no idea if I’ll go and realize that’s where I should serve. However, that doesn’t matter and isn’t really for me to know right now. What’s for me to know is that I need to trust God.

It’s amazing to me how God works. Sometimes He speaks so clearly to us (or maybe He always does, but we don’t listen.) I was doing my devotions and I was asking God to guide me. I was telling Him how much I wanted to trust Him. You know what passage I read?

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might, He increases strength.” Isaiah 40:28-29

There’s a whole lot more to it. This God, the true, powerful God is so worth it.

 

IMG_5966

Comments Off

Apathy < God.

2013
11.03

Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

I can honestly say that apathy is the biggest thing I battle. Every other sin that I deal with, springs from it. Ever since I was little I could check out. One of my favorite hobbies was staring at the wall. It was my escape. I could be in my own little world and only think about me, if I thought at all. Strangely enough, I also found this to be a sort of blessing and it very well might have been. There were serval things in my childhood that it was important for me not to concern myself with. I’m grateful that God allowed me to be passive in those times. However, growing up this became more and more of an issue. It’s hard to explain, but it seems to me that while my brain can completely be happy or logically “fine,” my body shuts down. I believe this to be depression. I’ll want to not do anything at all, not out of laziness, but out of a physical pull.

Why am I talking about this? Well, because this has been something that I’ve had to learn to deal with and happen to be in one of those apathetic periods. Someone once told me that you can’t help being sad (mentally or physically) it’s not a sin, but it’s what you do. It’s the choice of allowing that sadness to hinder or to continue living. In this area I need all the help I can get. There are some days I beg God to breathe for me, because I feel like I just can’t.

It has been more and more difficult to get out of bed. It’s been more and more difficult to maintain relationships, much less be a good RA. Even enjoying classes have been a chore. But, I will. It’s in these times when I do have to lean on God the most and that’s the best place to be. I know in my mind that everything is good, that I have great friends and an amazing Christian college school. I also know that I have a purpose: to glorify God. That knowledge is enough bases to make the choice of living.

In the battle that’s happening within me God is greater than apathy. I know He is. I do have to say that I’m looking forward to an eternity in Heaven, where there is no room for depression of any kind. :)

Comments Off

Ramblings of a Human.

2013
10.26

“There’s only two things that last,” I’ve been told many times. Those two being people and God. Understanding this should change the way we live, however, I dare say it normally doesn’t.( I can truly only speak of myself, of course.) This has been something weighing on my heart recently. Sometimes I struggle with people, because I feel as though I won’t have them for long. I’ve had many come and go. Many friendships that have blessed me through a season soon dissipate. That’s life and God sends the right people at the right time, I do believe that.

 

Being in a dorm with many girls gives many the opportunity to put the importance of others in action. Sometimes even saying “hi” to someone in the hall can be difficult. At the present, I’m in a slight funk, because I’ve been missing terribly friendships that are long distance, or are barely hanging on. This makes me want to hide from everyone. I don’t know if I’m the only one who has experienced this. Friendships are work, girls are work…people are work, but they are worth it. Why? because they are the only thing on this earth with eternal value. I’ve been blessed in my life to always have people around me who I’ve adored and have pointed me to Christ. It’s only fair that I do the same to others.

 

People aren’t perfect, even at Christian Colleges, nor are relationships nor am I. God is though and despite my “funk” or “feelings” I’m called to the utmost hospitality. I’m called to love other like Christ loved me. It doesn’t matter if I’ll have the same friends in my life in a year. This is something I REALLY have to remind myself of these days…

Comments Off

Evaluation…

2013
10.24

I’ve been super emotional recently for multiple reasons. 1.) I’m a girl. 2.) I’m a girl 3.) because I have no idea what to do after school. 4.) I’m so stinking close to graduating. This has caused me to evaluate.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about repeatedly the last couple of days “What has Christian College done for me? How has it changed me? What have I learned?” A lot. Last night I went to a worship night that was student lead by three senior guys. I couldn’t help but thinking how much they had grown in the years I’ve known them. We all have. Every single person in my class is different, more mature, than they were when they came. That’s a big accomplishment for my school, I’d say.

Along with general growth, there’s also the way I deal with people. Being with the students all day everyday has definitely improved my people skills (or at least I’d like to think so.) I feel like I’ve really learned the value of sharing life with people.

My organization, leadership, teaching, knowledge of the Word are all areas I feel like I’ve grown. It’s terrifying to me that it’s all coming to an end. It’s terrifying to me that I won’t be in the comfort of my dear family here at school. I don’t know when I’ll see them again after we graduate, but here’s what I do know…I’m so proud of them. I have faith that whatever they do with their lives will be honoring to the Lord. They are a part of me that won’t be left behind, wherever I go in this life. I’ll get to worship the Lord with them in heaven, just like these three years at school together.

Has it been worth it? The whole Christian College experience worth it? Yes, with all my heart, I say yes to Christian Colleges.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do after school yet, other than ministry. However, I know God knows and that He’s already there. So, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. :)

Comments Off

Still a kid…

2013
10.20

It’s been a super good week. My parents came out because my Dad was the speaker for a man’s conference my school puts on. It was good to see them (even though it’s only been two weeks since I’ve seen them last.) I love my family. *sigh*

It was also lecture week and the topic was 1 & 2 Thessalonians. Seriously, my favorite week in the whole semester…well it might be tied with when we do all the Christmas things. The speaker was delightful and had such a pleasant spirit about him, the kind that makes you eager to learn from.

Can I just say, I love having a mama?! She is such a gift. I haven’t had the chance to have a really good face to face conversation with my mommy in months, much less a full day of them. It was a great reminder of who I am and how much I need her. I can get to this place where I feel alone, as if I’m all grown up and I have to make all of the choices. God gave us family for a reason. They support us, guide us and love us through all of life’s surprises. I’m still such much a kid. I can’t handle all of the adult stuff, I can handle some, but I’m still growing. With that said, I’m a kid who still needs her mom sometimes to treat her as such.

This has got me thinking about something our lecture speaker said. He explained that it’s not reading the Bible or doing certain things that make us grow, but rather that puts us in the path of growth. God still has to do it in us. I can get the “adult” mindset a little too much with God too. I need Him though, I need to be His child and for Him guide me.

So, like I said. It’s been a good week of being a kid.

“But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12

Comments Off

Weary

2013
10.11

 

“And let us not grow weary while doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Gal.6:9

This semester more than ever, I’ve struggled with this very thing. I’ve grown weary time and time again while doing good. Hectic chaos, that’s been my life. I came into school loving life. I continued school, loving life. I got a job as a waitress (something totally new for me) and soon after got offered a second job in a coffee shop. All of these new experiences, I felt so grown up. I was going to be awesome at everything, every job, every assignment, every relationship; all of the things. I figured since God had opened so many doors that all of them must be right. It didn’t take long for me to realize that keeping up with a job and being an RA was going to be a challenge. Work would cause me to leave right after classes and get back after curfew. All of my girl friends would say “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” I felt the same. I would then go into my room and do the homework due for the next day. I was growing weary. God never left me though, not even for a second. He was my comfort in the moments I thought I was going to die. Even in the craziest moments, I can honestly say I had a joy. Then there came last week (at least, I think it was last week.) All this guilt hit me. I had committed myself to a ministry, serving my section. I had committed myself to doing well my senior year and truly loving it. Somehow it had dropped on my priority list.

 

God has taught me that life is full of choices. There can be multiple “good” things to do. He’s with me through it all. He’s also shown me that I lose sight of my goals pretty easily. Soon after I got offered my second job, I refused it and just two nights ago put in my two weeks as a server. I already feel so much better.

 

I’ve also really missed my family this semester. I guess the idea of starting full time ministry next year, possibly away from them scares me. They might not always realize (because I have a very prideful-independent spirit) but I hate being away from them. That’s a challenge that can bring me to weariness.

 

My emotions have been everywhere. I’ve been battling with depression. That’s a challenge that can bring me to weariness.

 

But God has called me to do good. I am His child; I’m special because I am in Him. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Eph.2:10 There will always been challenges in life that will bring me to weariness. It doesn’t matter if I’m in my senior year at a Christian College or in France drinking coffee. In this life, there will always be difficulties. But Paul says “Do not let us grow weary while doing good.” We have to keep drawing near to God. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8a

Now that I’m jobless (or will be in two weeks) I’m very much looking forward to things calming down just a little. Maybe I’ll actually get to sleep, who knows? :) What is for sure though is God. That is something I never for a second want to forget, though I know I will. Being in a secular work environment, being away from my family and feeling disoriented at school as made me so grateful that I will never be without Him. He’s in my future, He’s in my past and in every moment of the present.

“casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 4:7 I recently learned that this “care” spoken of here is both one of affection and also protection. Isn’t that amazing? We need to cast all weariness on Him because He has affectionate love for us and He will take care of us like a parent.

So, I can honestly say, I will continue to grow weary at times, but I will also continue to cast my cares upon God.

 

Comments Off

Light that casts out darkness.

2013
09.14

Recently I’ve been thinking about how different Christ looks from the world. Yeah, I’ve read how we are to be lights in the darkness. However, normally I don’t visibly see that. Going to a Christian College, basically everyone around me is a believer. Now I’m working at a secular job and that’s not the case. People are lost. Jesus says “I am the way, the truth and the life.” People are missing all three.

 

God has put a huge burden in my heart for my co-workers; I love them. When I got hired I was nervous about the stress of working, but God has taught me that I’m there for Him. I’m there to be a missionary; I’m there to be a light. Once that truly sunk in, I’ve been able to just rest in the joy He has given me. I’m working with some other students from my school and seeing the contrast from their lives to the unsaved is dramatic. They do shine. People do notice a difference, there’s no way not to.

 

This has been a good reminder of not only my life at College and after, but my life here on earth. People need Christ and I have Him. I know the good news. I know the source of life. My soul is at rest because of all He has done for me. My purpose is to share that. I’m thankful for God working in my heart.

 

“As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” John 9:5

Comments Off

First of the Last.

2013
08.25

Here I am in the final days. I’ve paid my dues and now I’m officially a senior in college. How does that even happen? One moment you’re eating cheerios and watching Barney, the next you’re graduating. I’ve been back at school for two weeks today and it’s been fantastic. This place truly has become home to me. Our freshman class is smaller than usual with a whopping number of sixty-five. It’s always exciting to get to know new people and attempt to make them feel like family. I always try to remember how difficult it was for me my first semester. I so desperately wanted to have friends, it’s not fun. No one should ever feel like that, especially not in the family of God. My new section is such a blessing. I was nervous about having a new group of girls, because last year all of them were wonderful. We got along so well and I simply just enjoyed who they were as people. Those aspects made is easy to show them love and to be their RA. However, God has ALWAYS put the right people in my life at the right time. This year I have eight unique ladies. They each have such fun personalities and are in different walks on their spiritual journeys. I’m looking forward to hopefully being an encouragement to them this year. Oh! And I got a job at Applebee’s. That’ll be exciting. It’s nice because many students from my school work there, so I’ll be able to car pull and such. My classes are all outrageously good, best out of all my semesters.

Here’s the deal: there’s a lot. There’s a lot of homework, a lot of people I want to spend time with and plus getting a job. In fact, there’s so much that I know I can’t do it. I’m sure there will be times I want to crawl in a hole and sleep. However, my goal for this year to do give God my complete and total all. God needs to direct my path, my time and everything else. Already I’ve come to realize this requires a whole lot of prayer and extra time in the Word. I need Him, more than ever and if I rely on Him, He’ll use me in way I never dreamed possible.

So that’s my advice for today, give God your all. Don’t get stressed or allow anything to hinder you from God’s best. Christian colleges are normally good about reminding you of this, at least mine is, but it’s easy to forget. God is the only thing that matters, so don’t let anxiety be an idol in your life.