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The Fear.

2012
12.26

Even at young adulthood, strange noises and unfamiliar shadows can frighten me in the right instant. Wrapped up in warmth provided by my favorite fuzzy blue blanket and blinded by the darkness, logic sometimes vanishes. In the moments when I’m most comfortable and still, my mind will start playing tricks on itself. I don’t know why it does this, why all our minds do this, but they do. It’s for this reason I believe most people don’t allow themselves to think. They keep busy and turn on media as soon as they’re not. Even as a Christian, when I always have a great hope to think upon and a God of peace, I freak myself out. Now I want to clarify, the fear I’m referring to is not one of good reason; It is the self-inflicted, self-imagined and self-centered type. This fear is something I have recently been experiencing.

I’m a person of change, but also of comfort. So basically, I’m like everyone else. I’d like to think of myself as adventurous, because I love traveling, trying new things and meeting new people. However, like most, I love having somewhat of a comfort zone. These past four years have been absolutely crazy, because everything is constantly moving and nothing stays the same very long. With my nature, that I just described to you, I have a love-hate relationship with that fact. With a new semester approaching, so is that fear to which I was referring. It’s coming at a time when I have been so comfortable, but I’m beginning to hear some strange noises and see unfamiliar shadows.

I found out that a girl in my section and a good friend probably isn’t returning next semester, due to finances. This frightens me for a few reasons. One, I will miss her and she is part of my “comfort zone” but also, I don’t want the dynamic of my section to change. We’re all so close. Another thing, is that this is the last semester for many of my friends. My best friend and roommate will be graduating…(go tell her to not leave.) Then, there’s the fear of failure, which is inevitable. Last semester, I wasn’t always the servant I should have been nor the student.

I am always in God’s hand, which is kind of like being warm in bed, but better. God has grown me abundantly throughout my time at my Christian College and I have every reason to trust Him. However, there’s that vanishing logic problem. You know what’s cool though? God is bigger than logic (or the lack there of.) I KNOW His promises. So, even though I do have some fear about the next semester, I know that God will work in awesome ways, because He always does.

 

 ”When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.” Isaiah 43:2 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

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