Archive for April, 2013

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Only a Vessel.


It’s a well known fact that we can’t live without blood. Blood is essential for body temperature, steady supply of oxygen, for fighting off infection and various other important functions. If we didn’t have it, we’d die. Life is in the blood. We even see this in Scripture. “because the life of every creature is its blood. That is why I have said to the Israelites, ‘You must not eat the blood of any creature, because the life of every creature is its blood; anyone who eats it must be cut off.” (Leviticus 17:14) Then we have blood vessels. They are what carry the blood throughout the body. By no means are they themselves of any worth if you take away their purpose. It is what’s in them, the blood, the life, which is of great value.

We had our last section devotional this past Thursday and it served as type of a “year review.” I asked questions such as “what is your favorite memory?” and “what’s an area you’ve seen God really work in you?” It blessed my heart immensely to hear about how much everyone has grown and what all God has done in and through us. I shared 2 Cor. 12:9, because God used it in my life throughout the year and it says, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  I’ve had some serious struggles this year and more insecurities than I’d ever care to admit. I’ve missed out on countless opportunities to serve those around me, times when I could have been in prayer, blessed someone, encouraged, and the list could go on forever. I’ve been tempted to compare myself, both physically and spiritually with those around me and lessening the beauty God has made in me. I’ve failed, over and over and over times some ridiculously large number. There’s been times I’ve come to God in prayer and couldn’t even bring myself to speak, because I kept thinking “I let you down, I just can’t stop letting you down.” In one of the videos that the Skit Guys made it brings up the comforting truth that I don’t hold God up. I have never, will never, can’t ever hold God up, but rather He has ALWAYS held me up. Therefore, I can’t let Him down. He loves me, even before I ever loved Him. His love for me doesn’t run out when my “righteousness” runs out or when my “energy” runs out or simply when “I” run out.

Being at a Christian College for the past two years has made me realize how I am a vessel. I’m not the life, I’m not the important element that supplies essential needs. I’m only the carrier. I have God in me! It’s my job to spread that life wherever I go. That night as I was reflecting with my girls all my weaknesses and failures, I also reflected on God’s goodness and that truth about being a vessel hit me. Who cares how much of a mess I am? I’m not the one who gives everlasting life, I’m not the Perfecter and Author of salvation. I’m just a vessel. God chooses to use me and He’s doing great works in me all the time. What a relief! I mean seriously, thank goodness that I don’t have to be perfect, cause I can’t be. I’m so thankful that God knows every flaw and still wants me to be His vessel.


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And the countdown continues.


12 days and the countdown to the last day of school continues. I’m to the point where I’m no longer stressed out, because most of my big projects are turned in. So, that’s nice. It’s crazy, today I slept in until 2:00; what is that?! I don’t think I’ve done that in my whole entire life. I think my body is just worn out. However, normally I can hold out until the end of school to crash this much. You know how you can always tell when the seasons are about to change, or rather, are in the process? My favorite is when the leaves start changing colors and falling to the ground so that I can step on them and hear the crunch. The air always smells different too. Normally, there’s a short of anticipation that comes with this. Something new is coming. Something that will be an adjustment, but a refreshment as well. I can smell the change in the air and I can see the leaves changing colors. It’s time for a new season. But, I have a year left…so it’s not the big of a thing. This is true, but it’s still different. I’m going to be a Senior at a Christian College. Dude.

I’m going to miss the ones who are graduating and those who won’t be returning. So many have left their mark in my life. They’ve helped in shaping me into who God desires me to be. Each as been an incredible blessing on my life and it’ll be hard to say goodbye. I’m going to miss rooming with my best friend. Silly, I know, but it’s true. Not everyone gets the chance to feel completely at home in a dorm situation. I’m going to miss my section, most of which will not be returning for another year. Even just through the summer, I’m going to miss everyone who I will next year.

That’s how God grows us though. He has lessons, plans, purposes and people for a time. Then, He has new things. Seriously, how cool is that? That’s where the anticipation comes in for the next season, because I know He has great things in store.

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecc. 3:1

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I have only 26 more days until I’m finished with my Junior year. Yeah, I don’t know how that happened. 26 more days to finish all my big assignments, 26 more days to spend time with all the people who will not be returning, 26 more days of having my wonderful section; 26 days to finish well. And you know what? I’m stressed. The funny thing is, I know it’s not worth it to be. I always get everything done and I always enjoy the next season of change. However, it seems as if this period of whatever it is a period of..anxiety, stress, apathy, sadness, lack of focus..always comes. In the next couple of weeks we’ll have our RA retreat, Spring Banquet, open dorms, exams, papers, Graduation, etc. So many of the things that have that bittersweetness.

Here’s the thing though, yeah, ok…I don’t necessarily feel ambitious, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be. God has taught me over the course of my time at a Christian College that choices are more powerful than feelings. Isn’t that fantastic? One of my favorite verses is in 1 John it says “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.” 3:20 That verse has gotten me a long way for this reason, my heart (my feelings) condemn me, but the God of the universe who knows all things, is inside of me. He is a discerner of the very intents of my heart. If I choose Him and His ways instead of my own, I’ll be just fine. Practically this has come to play with my homework. Nothing, I mean nothing, within me wants to do anything productive, but because I am a child of God and I desire to please Him and be a good steward, I will choose His way. I will choose to finish well.

Paul talks about fighting the good fight and finishing the race, why? God is a finisher and we are to follow in His footsteps. It’s so easy in our world to start something and then not bring it to completion or at least not to the best of our ability. That’s not how God does things. He is the ultimate starter and finisher. I’m going to follow in my Father in Heaven’s footsteps and finish out these 26 days well.